Already got asked if we're dating
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
