She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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