I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
