WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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