people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
