we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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