It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
