good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
