**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
