apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Randomize
