Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
