i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
