Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
