Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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