he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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