His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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