And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
