Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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