When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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