i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
