The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Operation Purity has been aborted
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
