Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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