Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
