It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
