in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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