Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
