you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
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I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
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Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
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