bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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