I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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