you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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