Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
