I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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