grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
