He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
