I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
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I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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