my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
