chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
