Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
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