Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
