I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
