i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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