i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Actions speak louder than pants.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
