hotel room ftw
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
