Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
