the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
