Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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