i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
