She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
