this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
