I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
