Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
