I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He has the fingertips of a God
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
