you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
