I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
