hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
