One girl and one boy is just not enough.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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