I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The power of my boobs compel you
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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