Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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