You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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