no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
