in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
