This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
