my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
