I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I see more hoeing in ur future
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