Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
