i think i have herpe
just one?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
