I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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