he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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