Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
