i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
