He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
