My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
