i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
