do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
